A real Bionic man

I meet another soldier last night...
Some call it a full house or even a royal flush but he has it...

He is extra special man living on borrowed time...I am sure he asks everyday that he wakes up "why me?"... You see he has a broken heart. and Pancreatic cancer...
He lives each day with a machine that has been implanted in his abdomen that actually helps to pump his heart. Without it he would die. It has electric cords that leave his chest and hook up to a battery pack that has to be changed every four hours and at night he is plugged into a wall. A laptop is used at the hospital to monitor it's function. He started with heart failure then was on a list for a transplant and they put this in to buy him time for that heart....Then he was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer... So now he has a bag that dumps from his body that we empty every shift and battery pack that never leaves him. Yet he lives. Oh yeah and he has diabetes...

His 10 fingers are bruised and look like pin cushions. He has to count every morsel he puts in his mouth. He can't drink or smoke or even indulge in chocolate... The things that most of us able bodied souls use to cope with our blessed life... and yet he sits quietly and smiles graciously and watches the news...
He has been chosen for this nasty battle. Why I am not sure why him...God has deemed him worthy to teach us...
He strength and spirit teaches us to mind our manners...
He teaches us not to complain, things could be worse. He teaches us that time and life are precious. Yet he doesn't have to say a word.
Some are blind to his teachings, they are sorry for him and move on as if they didn't see a thing. I met him and still marvel at his story. I refuse to be blind to these silent hero's of Gods light. My heart cries for him but also rejoices that I saw it and can only pray that more see his teachings so less have to suffer... so we get it.

Why do we need these people to suffer so that others may see... Cuz we are slow and dumb. It isn't until after we see tragedy do we look up and wonder... It is after great adversity that we start foundations and run marathons... It is only after we loose a loved one that we open our hearts for a cause. It is only after we fall down and suffer do we look for God. We blame him and scream He's not fair....Yet we quickly forget to thank him for our health, and our loved ones and our joys...for the perfect days? Our talents and blessings are easily forgotten...we all have gifts yet we forget to say thank you...we just complain when our toys are taken away...
Look for these soldiers so that thier suffering is not wasted. Honor them and learn so fewer will suffer... Pay attention...

Good people bad things...

Why do good things happen to bad people...and bad things happen to good people....
The old argument...
Here is my theory...
Those of us who believe in God are asked and challenged to be soldiers for Him. We are asked to fight his battle for him on this earth...
I was asked by a patient that had end stage Endometrial cancer with Bone and brain mets why her...? I have no answer except her beauty and her light makes the rest of us feel dumb and shallow... God reminds us through her that we are fragile and spoiled with grace...and through her we see his strength...She has been chosen to be an examlple for the rest of us... We are to blind to get it with out these examples of incredible human strength. Her battle scars are seen by her ravaged body, her grace is seen as she tries bravely to hold her head up and eat more pudding. Her unrelenting love is seen as her mother shows up day after day and helplessly sits and prays while her dear daughter sleeps...
Now you can choose to look away because God's light hurts your eyes. You can say that it's unfair and God is mean to put this burden on this frail woman...But she teaches us..Everyday that she breaths and lives she teaches us. We only have to look.

My Golden ticket

I was at church tonight, ending our membership class. My husband talked about how some people have "it" and what is that "it" that makes some people from church different. Peaceful, light filled, joyful...
To me finding God is like finding your Golden ticket. Like Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory. You spend your life searching and eating and trying anything you can to get that golden ticket. In and out we search, we despair, we find copies, we convince ourselves that maybe we don't need it.... We try to be different people, we try to hang with the right crowd, all trying to find the Golden ticket to what ever "it" is. Some give up, some turn to addictions to mask the pain of not having it. But yet if we sit in the stillness and there in our own left pocket hides the ticket all along. YES, it's that simple. In the quiet, is God. and that noise of our busy lives is just noise. That sticky kiss from the two yr old is God. The hug from your mother is God. Even a cat's purr is God. and that peace is God's golden ticket.

I no longer have to hunt or worry or despair that I am not good enough or that I am not complete enough because I found my Golden ticket. You can too. It's with you all along. It doesn't matter what you've been told all your life, or who has hurt you or even why...It matters what you tell others, what you do to others and how you care for others because it's in that what you do for others that they maybe can find their golden ticket.

Sunshine from Australia

My first swap present came in to day!
this was part of the very vintage swap. I received beautiful treasures from Christina. Rays of sunshine from Australia.
A pretty little rose tray, shimmering vintage ear bobs, a smashing pocket watch and bits of ribbons, cardinal napkins, chocolates and a Santa sign reminding me to be happy..!

Buried treasure

Everybody loves buried treasure. Everybody wants to find it but few want to actually get their hands dirty, crack their nails, ruin that lovely pair of slacks and maybe get a little sweaty.
That what it takes to find treasure. Treasure in relationships, treasure in your destiny even treasure in yourself.

I have been digging, digging and shoveling and sweating to find my purpose and my destiny. Now I understand that finding your destiny and our purpose are like finding a rainbow. One just needs it on the horizon to know which direction to start heading for. As soon as you get close, it changes or disappears and there you are finding yourself sitting on a rock lost and searching again.

My life is like this. I started my life in nursing. I thought this was my life's purpose. So I dug and sweated and mastered every challenge and worked very hard, joined committees, set policy only to find my self lost and redirected. I did find bits of treasure along the way and loved many aspects of that job. I was sad when redirected. But I was pushed a different direction. So I worked on my art, mastered every challenge, taught classes, made friends, climbed that clumsy ole ladder to find my self here again. My favorite rock. Now Nursing again....
I was sad. I thought art was "it" for me.

As I sit on this rock, waiting for the appearance of that rainbow to show me which way to go, I find myself wondering that maybe I haven't been wrong before. That these small journeys are the small treasure I was meant to find. So instead of being sad that my art career ended I should be ecstatic that I was able and had the opportunity to pursue it as long as I did.

Now with bated breath, I wait to see where the great almighty will send me next. I have a wonderful opportunity at a very large medical facility to use all my skills. Teaching and Nursing and even some creativity...Go figure. I am guessing that this treasure may be bigger than the last...

So, if you find yourself on a rock looking at those storm clouds and braving the rain make yourself comfortable. Write your name on the rock, reflect and know the terrain, maybe find a cave close by to recover and heal and prepare for the next journey... So if you ever find yourself there again its not so scary and not so frightening.

I keep getting glimpses of the rainbow it the same place but it hasn't been clear or steady enough for me to be sure of what I saw. So I am hanging out at my cave (my newly cleaned and organized office) waiting for that big bright one. The kind of rainbow that stretches from one edge of the earth, to the heavens, then down to touch the horizon again.

I know they exist... I've seen it before...

New Opportunities

I started a new job today. Not a painting job but a school nurse job. I was a nurse before I started my mural company. I have missed it. I have missed helping and caring for those in need. Health and wellness are integral to happiness.
Most people do not know how their bodies work and often are not connected to their bodies.

The general population tries to make good eating and exercise decisions on a large scale but often neglect listening to their bodies and it's needs during the flux of stress in a typical day.
Illness arises out of neglect of the body. Certain systems become over taxed and stress and toxins build up at a weak point and illness develops.

The general population know it in some diseases but don't realizes it happens with all people. Not just the heart attacks or the stomach issues. And typical modern medicine takes the treat and street philosophy. Not the slow down what's going on approach that is needed for real disease prevention.

But I digress. I am back and dusting off my stethoscope. I am reading my Nursing books at night to get myself up to speed. I am loving it and excited to have a place in the health care issues.

Walk with me...

Change is hard... It brings up many emotions for many people. For me I am hit with sadness first. The disappointment of dreams unfulfilled. The things hoped for and not realized. This sadness makes me hesitant for change. I pull back. I become afraid of what is ahead... I then have to put to rest the dreams that I am leaving behind and start to make new dreams. I have to be gentle with myself. Learning new things takes time and mistakes. I need my rest and my quiet. I need time to grieve the old and then pull up my bootstraps....and plunge ahead.

My friend Carolyn talks about change as a little death. If i agree with this, then I need to allow myself to grieve. To feel the pain of loss. If we don't we tend to hold on to the sadness and not heal. We harbor our grief and it can hold us back. Resentment can build and create pain where there doesn't need to be.
So my little company is gone. I am hanging a little black wreath on the door and moving forward.
What I wasn't prepared for was the goodbye from friends in the industry. I didn't think about the people I won't see any more. Now I am really sad...

Kinda like leaving high school....Mixed emotions....