Peacockblu

Cutters

2012-01-21T12:13:00.000-06:00

Cutters, cutting... I didn't really understand what this was until I had one in my home. I had a basic understanding. This was what some teenagers were doing... another fad that emerged out of the borderline teenagers looking for attention.
Boy was I right. It was my own daughter's way of screaming for help. She was in so much pain that I, her own, mother did not see. As I reflect on those dark days. I have my story to tell and then hers. I'll start with mine...

We were you average american household. Mom, dad, two teenagers various animals living in suburbia. We laughed an teased. We had high standards for our kids, semi strict rules, went to church.
At the end of a retreat my daughter was on a counsel told us of what she saw on our daughter wrists.

At first I reacted like I could just yell it away. Or grounding or more control. But what I didn't realize was that my parenting up to this point was part of the problem. As I screamed at her to stop then begged her to stop I learned from her that her pain was real and it was deadly. I needed to change my parenting, I needed to forget everything I knew of this girl and listen to her. I was desperate to save her from this evil called depression. I would not let it take her away. I read everything I could. I googled and searched until I found something that worked. I knew it was up to me. No one else seemed to understand. I know I didn't but I was her only shot.

I changed her world. I removed her from friends that didn't build her self esteem. I drove her everywhere. I became a bloodhound to her moods. I hounded her about her feelings until she would scream and yell and then cry and we would sit huddled in her closet rocking until the tears dried up. I promised her she would not battle this alone. We would find away to beat this pain she was in. Slowly she started trusting me. We tried different medications. Some made it worse some worked for a while but then the depression would creep back in. As soon as I felt it was allowing her mood to dip we moved on. I would not loose my daughter to this disease. Deadly as a cancer we attacked it.

That was about 6 years ago. She knows it will always be her disease. That her meds will keep her alive. She had to understand this is not a phase or a teenage drama. This is a disease and it will rob her of everything good in her life if she does not treat it.

When we talk about those days now her reflection is fragile. I have to hold her hand how frightening the memory is.

She tells me about a world that she didn't feel she was worthy to exist in. That she was the cause of all that was ever wrong. That nothing she did was good enough or that she had any hope of having anything good because she didn't deserve it. She was so numb of feeling that the cutting actually felt good - reminded her that she was alive. Nothing mattered. Even her. This deep despair was so foreign to me.

And I thought we could yell it away. What a joke. I had no idea.

Here is what I learned:
Yelling or judgement does not work.
Patience and love does.
Be gentle.
Find a good counselor and take them weekly.
If they refuse love them anyway. It may be that they cannot face the demons that day. This is hard exhausting work to get better from such a horrible disease. They cannot will or think or hope it away. They have no hope, no desire to live in this world of pain.

I had to help Alicia create a new world for her. We found one thing that made her happy. Dancing. So we did everything we could to encourage that. We eliminated everything that made her feel bad. I listened and held my tongue when she attacked. This was her demon and I had to battle it with her. When she would withdraw I would crawl in bed beside her and watch disney movies till she slept. We removed all knives and sharp objects from the house. We went shopping and went to movies and lavished attention on her. She craved to matter. She needed to find something other than her bleak world. I considered home schooling but we were able to take many "home days". She suffered from migraines and stomach aches. She failed classes and lost weight. All symptoms of the depression. But slowly she started to grasp on to life again. She carefully made some better choices. We talked about friends that lifted her up and those that pushed her down. She learned to tell the difference. She like to look pretty so we bought some new clothes and and found safe places where she didn't feel stupid. I had to change every aspect of my parenting. Her younger brother complained. Her didn't understand why we were babying her. He was sure he would be strong and conquer everything that she couldn't. He didn't understand why we were giving her so much attention when she was breaking every rule.

Now looking back. I know that this disease is hereditary. That he would soon battle this disease in his own way three years later. He understands now.

Now six years later.
We have three people on medication for depression. I am not one of them.
We do not call each other names or tease in this house. Our house is now one that only fosters self esteem and a safe haven from a often cruel world. We old build up. We listen and we let each other talk with out censure. We tolerate bad moods. We learn to say sorry when we had hurt each others feelings.

We have become a house of lavish attention and safety. They are caring and wise. They have lived through hell and are now extremely sensitive to others. They understand compassion.

This disease we will battle for the rest of their lives. But I am better armed and hope I can smell it coming.
God be with you.

2011-12-14T23:15:00.000-06:00

I am happy. I have found peace. I say this with awe and conviction. If you asked me last year if I was happy, the answer would have taken me some time to answer as happiness is fleeting. At least my history has taught me so. Two years ago I was numb and tired of being so very unhappy. I was empty. Three years ago, I was bereft and lost of hope. My heart was raw, scraping for a lifeline to cling to.

Now, as I sit here re-reading this Blog that I started as away to put words to my thoughts.. to find some connection to anyone, anything to give me direction. I was looking up and sideways and every which way but in.
I have now looked in. In my heart and finally found my light. My light of strength of conviction and my light of hope.
I took my future in my hands two and half years ago. I quit waiting for life to happen, I made my life take a new direction, with full adult superpowers and started to create my own future...

My dear friend and sage said that if I changed the way I acted, others would adapt and change around me. I did not believe her. But it worked. I quit being afraid and started being brave. (I pretended till it was true). These adult super powers can be used for good. I changed my life and others adapted. I held my boundaries and expectations and they adapted. I reached and stretched and suffered but here I am three years later after days of misery and defeat... happy. Who would have thought?

I can't wait for my children to return from school for the holidays. I can't wait to hear their footsteps on the stairs and the mindless bickering of siblings... I can't wait to give my dear son his hug that makes me feel so very proud that this boy is mine. How very lucky I am to have had the privilege of being his mom. And my darling daughter, to listen to her go on about nothing and everything as she explores her new life as a new adult... I am so proud I moved beyond fear and unhappiness and rescued us. All of us.
My new challenge is shame..It is one of my newly identified shadows. It creeps up behind me when I am not looking and makes me feel unworthy. Unworthy of the greatness in my life. Unworthy of the wonders of love. But the funny thing is with shadows. Once you bring them to the light... they are not so scary or powerful. Shame -be-warned-- I am on to you.

2011-09-25T10:50:00.000-05:00

Isn't amazing how one image can alter your next step? I wandered into this amazingBlog (website here). Wow beautiful. Graceful and peaceful... I just want to live in this space of harmony and diversity all at once. How can these be so different yet so harmonious that there is peace just looking at it. I want to make my space this harmonious, this relaxing and soothing. My space is a jumble of contrast and colors. I call my style drunken Diva. Where the lady of the house has grand ideas and luxurious taste but often gets distracted and never quite pulls it off. The home is filled with good intention but somehow as another idea or thought wandered in the completion gets lost and the idea is now wandering half in and half out of completion. Someday when I get brave I take you on a tour of what a drunken diva home looks like...

The phoenix...

2011-05-12T14:23:00.000-05:00

Rising from the ashes...
Yes that's me coming from emotional ashes. I am surfacing again, taking the big breath of fresh air after being tumbled in a really big wave.
As a kid I loved to swim in the ocean, the thrill of fighting the waves, figuring out the time to drop under the wave, then pop up after it passed. But then once in a while a really big wave would take you down, then up then turn you into sand and gravel, not sure where to go or how to gain your strength. Lungs screaming-- then I would find my light and pop through the surface to grab air and sun light.

I think the last two years have been just this for me. I can see the sunlight -my God is forever molding and shaping me, giving me what I need to master and heal. I am floating. The waves have settled for now...

Wow, what a ride and now on to the next adventure. I just only hope I won't be under for so very long.

Oh lighten up!

2010-04-24T13:19:00.003-05:00

As read over my last few entries I can see with open eyes how sad and tired and intense I was. Life was hard and I was carrying the burden of so much. Life has shifted or at least I have adapted to my new life... the face of me is now recognizable again... The changing is difficult..But the emersion is beautiful.

I have emerged. I have found my rhythm. I can see how I have grown and adapted. This gives me courage and confidence that I can survive quite bit and still find me in the midst of chaos.

Like a caterpillar to butterfly we assume the transformation is painless but is it? I know, in my life as I morph in to yet another phase of my life, another new career, it is not painless. But the process is so worth it.

My clouds have cleared, the sun is shining. I have adapted to my new place of corporate america. I miss my art, I miss the freedom. I am now in a place to find the balance.

I have found peace... at last.
Yeah, me.

Two faces of me...I miss me...

2009-11-01T14:05:00.005-06:00

Working full time, going to school half time. being mom to one grown up and one almost grown up...part time. (I wish it was more time), wife of grown up (at times) part time... and being me- not very much time at all, any more...
I miss laughing and my art. but I love learning and enjoy working... trying to find me in the new life I have created. I miss me. The me I thought I was and the new me I have become are at odds. This me I have become is an old me I traded in..when I became the artist, the caring and creative one. I traded in this serious, stressed, left brained creature I was to laugh and create. But that self had to go away to become this hard working serious self again, had to save the family... the home stead.
Oh, why can't the two selves find each other and dance in harmony.
I miss me.. the creative one... this serous one is boring and uptight. I had a glimmer of her, the creative one, yesterday when she dressed up the pets and laughed very hard all afternoon. But today she is gone and she says things like "I can't, I have to study and I can't, I have work to do..".When all she wants to do is carve pumpkins a day late with her very grown up little girl.

A real Bionic man

2009-03-06T09:43:00.004-06:00

I meet another soldier last night...
Some call it a full house or even a royal flush but he has it...

He is extra special man living on borrowed time...I am sure he asks everyday that he wakes up "why me?"... You see he has a broken heart. and Pancreatic cancer...
He lives each day with a machine that has been implanted in his abdomen that actually helps to pump his heart. Without it he would die. It has electric cords that leave his chest and hook up to a battery pack that has to be changed every four hours and at night he is plugged into a wall. A laptop is used at the hospital to monitor it's function. He started with heart failure then was on a list for a transplant and they put this in to buy him time for that heart....Then he was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer... So now he has a bag that dumps from his body that we empty every shift and battery pack that never leaves him. Yet he lives. Oh yeah and he has diabetes...

His 10 fingers are bruised and look like pin cushions. He has to count every morsel he puts in his mouth. He can't drink or smoke or even indulge in chocolate... The things that most of us able bodied souls use to cope with our blessed life... and yet he sits quietly and smiles graciously and watches the news...
He has been chosen for this nasty battle. Why I am not sure why him...God has deemed him worthy to teach us...
He strength and spirit teaches us to mind our manners...
He teaches us not to complain, things could be worse. He teaches us that time and life are precious. Yet he doesn't have to say a word.
Some are blind to his teachings, they are sorry for him and move on as if they didn't see a thing. I met him and still marvel at his story. I refuse to be blind to these silent hero's of Gods light. My heart cries for him but also rejoices that I saw it and can only pray that more see his teachings so less have to suffer... so we get it.

Why do we need these people to suffer so that others may see... Cuz we are slow and dumb. It isn't until after we see tragedy do we look up and wonder... It is after great adversity that we start foundations and run marathons... It is only after we loose a loved one that we open our hearts for a cause. It is only after we fall down and suffer do we look for God. We blame him and scream He's not fair....Yet we quickly forget to thank him for our health, and our loved ones and our joys...for the perfect days? Our talents and blessings are easily forgotten...we all have gifts yet we forget to say thank you...we just complain when our toys are taken away...
Look for these soldiers so that thier suffering is not wasted. Honor them and learn so fewer will suffer... Pay attention...

Good people bad things...

2009-03-06T09:31:00.004-06:00

Why do good things happen to bad people...and bad things happen to good people....
The old argument...
Here is my theory...
Those of us who believe in God are asked and challenged to be soldiers for Him. We are asked to fight his battle for him on this earth...
I was asked by a patient that had end stage Endometrial cancer with Bone and brain mets why her...? I have no answer except her beauty and her light makes the rest of us feel dumb and shallow... God reminds us through her that we are fragile and spoiled with grace...and through her we see his strength...She has been chosen to be an examlple for the rest of us... We are to blind to get it with out these examples of incredible human strength. Her battle scars are seen by her ravaged body, her grace is seen as she tries bravely to hold her head up and eat more pudding. Her unrelenting love is seen as her mother shows up day after day and helplessly sits and prays while her dear daughter sleeps...
Now you can choose to look away because God's light hurts your eyes. You can say that it's unfair and God is mean to put this burden on this frail woman...But she teaches us..Everyday that she breaths and lives she teaches us. We only have to look.

My Golden ticket

2009-02-02T22:07:00.004-06:00

I was at church tonight, ending our membership class. My husband talked about how some people have "it" and what is that "it" that makes some people from church different. Peaceful, light filled, joyful...
To me finding God is like finding your Golden ticket. Like Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory. You spend your life searching and eating and trying anything you can to get that golden ticket. In and out we search, we despair, we find copies, we convince ourselves that maybe we don't need it.... We try to be different people, we try to hang with the right crowd, all trying to find the Golden ticket to what ever "it" is. Some give up, some turn to addictions to mask the pain of not having it. But yet if we sit in the stillness and there in our own left pocket hides the ticket all along. YES, it's that simple. In the quiet, is God. and that noise of our busy lives is just noise. That sticky kiss from the two yr old is God. The hug from your mother is God. Even a cat's purr is God. and that peace is God's golden ticket.

I no longer have to hunt or worry or despair that I am not good enough or that I am not complete enough because I found my Golden ticket. You can too. It's with you all along. It doesn't matter what you've been told all your life, or who has hurt you or even why...It matters what you tell others, what you do to others and how you care for others because it's in that what you do for others that they maybe can find their golden ticket.

Sunshine from Australia

2009-01-05T15:31:00.002-06:00

My first swap present came in to day!
this was part of the very vintage swap. I received beautiful treasures from Christina. Rays of sunshine from Australia.
A pretty little rose tray, shimmering vintage ear bobs, a smashing pocket watch and bits of ribbons, cardinal napkins, chocolates and a Santa sign reminding me to be happy..!

Buried treasure

2008-12-11T08:53:00.003-06:00

Everybody loves buried treasure. Everybody wants to find it but few want to actually get their hands dirty, crack their nails, ruin that lovely pair of slacks and maybe get a little sweaty.
That what it takes to find treasure. Treasure in relationships, treasure in your destiny even treasure in yourself.

I have been digging, digging and shoveling and sweating to find my purpose and my destiny. Now I understand that finding your destiny and our purpose are like finding a rainbow. One just needs it on the horizon to know which direction to start heading for. As soon as you get close, it changes or disappears and there you are finding yourself sitting on a rock lost and searching again.

My life is like this. I started my life in nursing. I thought this was my life's purpose. So I dug and sweated and mastered every challenge and worked very hard, joined committees, set policy only to find my self lost and redirected. I did find bits of treasure along the way and loved many aspects of that job. I was sad when redirected. But I was pushed a different direction. So I worked on my art, mastered every challenge, taught classes, made friends, climbed that clumsy ole ladder to find my self here again. My favorite rock. Now Nursing again....
I was sad. I thought art was "it" for me.

As I sit on this rock, waiting for the appearance of that rainbow to show me which way to go, I find myself wondering that maybe I haven't been wrong before. That these small journeys are the small treasure I was meant to find. So instead of being sad that my art career ended I should be ecstatic that I was able and had the opportunity to pursue it as long as I did.

Now with bated breath, I wait to see where the great almighty will send me next. I have a wonderful opportunity at a very large medical facility to use all my skills. Teaching and Nursing and even some creativity...Go figure. I am guessing that this treasure may be bigger than the last...

So, if you find yourself on a rock looking at those storm clouds and braving the rain make yourself comfortable. Write your name on the rock, reflect and know the terrain, maybe find a cave close by to recover and heal and prepare for the next journey... So if you ever find yourself there again its not so scary and not so frightening.

I keep getting glimpses of the rainbow it the same place but it hasn't been clear or steady enough for me to be sure of what I saw. So I am hanging out at my cave (my newly cleaned and organized office) waiting for that big bright one. The kind of rainbow that stretches from one edge of the earth, to the heavens, then down to touch the horizon again.

I know they exist... I've seen it before...

New Opportunities

2008-12-02T14:42:00.002-06:00

I started a new job today. Not a painting job but a school nurse job. I was a nurse before I started my mural company. I have missed it. I have missed helping and caring for those in need. Health and wellness are integral to happiness.
Most people do not know how their bodies work and often are not connected to their bodies.

The general population tries to make good eating and exercise decisions on a large scale but often neglect listening to their bodies and it's needs during the flux of stress in a typical day.
Illness arises out of neglect of the body. Certain systems become over taxed and stress and toxins build up at a weak point and illness develops.

The general population know it in some diseases but don't realizes it happens with all people. Not just the heart attacks or the stomach issues. And typical modern medicine takes the treat and street philosophy. Not the slow down what's going on approach that is needed for real disease prevention.

But I digress. I am back and dusting off my stethoscope. I am reading my Nursing books at night to get myself up to speed. I am loving it and excited to have a place in the health care issues.

Walk with me...

2008-11-03T09:58:00.011-06:00

Change is hard... It brings up many emotions for many people. For me I am hit with sadness first. The disappointment of dreams unfulfilled. The things hoped for and not realized. This sadness makes me hesitant for change. I pull back. I become afraid of what is ahead... I then have to put to rest the dreams that I am leaving behind and start to make new dreams. I have to be gentle with myself. Learning new things takes time and mistakes. I need my rest and my quiet. I need time to grieve the old and then pull up my bootstraps....and plunge ahead.

My friend Carolyn talks about change as a little death. If i agree with this, then I need to allow myself to grieve. To feel the pain of loss. If we don't we tend to hold on to the sadness and not heal. We harbor our grief and it can hold us back. Resentment can build and create pain where there doesn't need to be.
So my little company is gone. I am hanging a little black wreath on the door and moving forward.
What I wasn't prepared for was the goodbye from friends in the industry. I didn't think about the people I won't see any more. Now I am really sad...

Kinda like leaving high school....Mixed emotions....

Make it Monday's.....

2008-11-03T07:21:00.003-06:00

Glass Etching your wine glasses...

What you need:
Glasses
Amour Etch Cream
Foam Brush
sticky stencil or stickers
water to rinse

Step one:
Clean glass well with Alcohol to remove any grease
Two: Remove paper backing from stencil and apply to glass. tape off any unprotected areas with making tape. Burnish it well.
Three: Apply etch cream over surface. Make sure no bubbles are present. watch for drips.
wait 10 min.
Four: Scrape excess cream off glass then rinse quickly and thoroughly.
Five: Remove stencil carefully rinse again. Dry carefully.
Enjoy!!!

Taking my crayons and going home....

2008-11-01T15:56:00.002-05:00

I am closing up shop... I am sad but excited..
I have decided to move on. I went through horrible grief when I closed my little shop three or was it four years ago...I am having leaky moments as I sort though the boxes of art supplies. I loved working at trade shows and teaching all over this big country of ours. I have made so many friends in this industry. But the winds of change have pushed me back to nursing.

I am going back to school for my doctorate. Big change, big commitment and Yikes I have to take the GRE... Haven't had a math class in 20 years... So I am cramming every night Big day is DEC. 16th.
But in this econmy where jobs are scarce and health care if failing I feel compelled to do my part. I want to be a part of health care reform. There is even a new discipline called Art Therapy and even a center of Spirituality and wellness at the U of M. That is where i am headed.

So Here I go reinventing myself yet again. I can never say to my kids what do you want to be when you grow up....More like what do you want to do now...? Then change as you grow.

Faux finishing is done for me now. I have gone as far as I wanted to take it. I have done homes, commercial spaces, been published, sales and rep a big company, became a national instructor and created art in over 200 homes. I am still creative but feel the need to create for me. I have moved on in my heart.. My heart is just not in it anymore. I have turned my hobby into a great business for 10 years... Now back to my first love.

Artsy Party Last night!

2008-10-29T10:20:00.003-05:00

It was a blast. Seven of us clipped and snipped and came up with come great floral arrangements. It was so interesting to see the different personalities show up in their arrangement.
We were working with similar ingredients and some had never done floral before.
Great time.

Here's the skinny on How to...
Start with a container. any size will do
stick floral foam inside about to the top of the sides of the container
Start with a tall focal point and add to the center.
Add larger elements around the middle, stagger the heights of these.
add elements in 3's of three and fives. try to make triangles with the colors. Not group all in one spot.
Get up and look at it from accross the room to see it as a whole.
Fix areas that don't look right.
Put larger items towards the bottom.
Use a variety of sizes and textures to make it more interesting..
Use wire cutters and cut the stems of your florals to be what size you need them to be.
Have fun!

Artsy Party Tonight!

2008-10-28T08:20:00.008-05:00

I have more crafting stuff than I will ever use in a lifetime. I decided to have a party monthly and GIVE my crafting supplies to my friends as we laughed and created. So The Artsy Parties have begun.
Tonight is the second month.

I was feeling a bit disgusted with myself a few months ago. I was feeling the craving to be creative... Make something. That's a bit funny for someone who makes her living as an artist. But making art for the sake of creating is very different than painting what a customer wants and getting paid for that. I wanted to create without a vested interest in the outcome.

I had spend too much time reading about creating, collecting books about creating and gathering supplies about creating but NOT creating...
I invited one of my artsy friends over and proceeded to tell her my plan. As I was showing her my hoards of craft materials...
I make a theme (based on how much crap I have for that activity) and then invite my friends. They can invite more friends if they like. It is free. They bring essentials for the craft or they can work on an existing project. I have some basics. Everyone brings an appetizer or a bottle of wine and we spend the evening creating.
This months topic is Autumn centerpieces...
Bring stuff (flowers wire container to share) treats and or wine. I supply the space the floral tape and misc. filler for the centerpiece.
I am so excited as this lands on my first day of 29 gifts in 29 days...I can't wait to tell everyone about this wave of giving...

29 gifts in 29 days.....

2008-10-28T00:17:00.005-05:00

I just joined the group to the right. Amazing stories of change and healing...Give and your world will change, if everyone gives the world will change....

So the first person to comment on my blog after each entry, will receive a gift from me...leave the comment and email me your address...
It's that easy...

Make it Monday's... Glass painting

2008-10-27T14:11:00.004-05:00

What you need:
Old window with glass panes.
pattern or drawing
Contact paper
razor blade
glass paint
foam roller

Step One:
Clean glass with alcohol to degrease.
Two: Apply contact paper to glass, make sure all surfaces are covered and protected.
Draw design or trace pattern onto contact paper.
Three: Cut out design remove the areas to be painted.
Four: Apply glass paint with foam paint roller. Two coats. Let dry between coats.
carefully remove contact paper. Cut edges with blade to prevent peeling.

Pretending to be.....happy.

2008-10-24T11:03:00.006-05:00

I have been pondering that quote that I found while doing the blog challenge a few days ago...
"That's alright. Maybe after while we'll be as brave as we're pretending to be."

Can be applied to anything. I have been sad about my dearest going away and my youngest being too "old" for his momma. Quiet house, quiet heart, quiet mind...

Yesterday, I posted about decorating... I was pretending to be excited but really I thought... "Why do this there is no one here to care"...I don't want to be sad anymore so I pretended to be happy...

I had so much fun yeaterday. The pretending worked. I even dressed in holiday spirit for my one outing. I joined two swaps here. When I went to the store I ended up with supplies for pie and a spider cake, some pumpkin cookies for the cookie jar. I feel better. I decided to make a big Lasagna for dinner. My hubby then wants to ask if he can invite a friend over, then my son decides to have a friend over. Now My Dear daughter calls and says she's coming home this weekend. AND my Uncle called and he is coming this weekend and ....Yippeee!! The house fills with family.

Oh the joy!

So if you just aren't up to it....Some times pretending you are just might make it so...

Harvest fever...

2008-10-23T17:08:00.008-05:00

I have been out visiting my favorite blogs...
Their blog pages are just so pretty I have to get up to speed and update mine... So Boring...
Any help would be great!

Here's what some of the blogs inspired me to do,...
I went to that place ya know the one that sucks you in and keeps all your money yes Michael's...
and started with this...

and ended with this....

and this....

I think I caught a fever at that place....

Stay tuned for what I did to the front step... Even found Mr. Owl to cheer up the doorstep..

My big boy!

2008-10-22T11:57:00.007-05:00

I drew this for my husband when we were dating our first year of college. It was his Jersey. Now my baby Ethan, had his first shinning moment in football. He scored a touchdown for his team for their first playoff game. AND he made the evening news and newspaper!
Yippeee!!

I was asked what it was like having children by a teenager...
I had to explain it like his...
I thought having children was like having a puppy. You love it a lot and unconditionally but I was so wrong.
Having children is like an extension of your self. You get to live another life. You feel their feelings, experience their joys and pain. I get to live three lives. I feel all they feel, cry when they do and cheer at the top of my lungs in the stands...for their simplest of efforts...
I can only thank God in the humblest of voices for allowing me the privilege to have these two precious dears in my care...

Sniffle sniffle...

Cutest girl ever....

2008-10-21T15:18:00.005-05:00

But now she's all grown up...Off to college. I am so sad. I miss her terribly.
No more princess parties and cute homemade dresses...

A nice student of mine was knitting during class. She was making pumpkin hats for grand babies... so cute. I looked at her wistfully as I imagined my babies being so small...I said, "I'd love to make some but I don't know any babies right now." She casually said "you will." her calm response was balm to my aching heart...

So I have to wait to make my stuff again. In the meantime the challenge is to find my creative muse as I faux bathrooms and take my nursing classes I will rediscover my mojo again...

Here's a picture of the hats like she was making.... here

Book challenge

2008-10-21T15:07:00.003-05:00

Page 56
Line five

He Frowned.
"that we're afraid,"she explained.
Bardon Grimaced. "Paladin Knows."
Kale plunged ahead with what she wanted to say. "That's alright. And maybe after awhile, we'll get as brave as we are pretending to be."

I saw this on Amandas Blog
Blog Challenge

Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your blog along with these instructions.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

Make it Monday new recipe Lizard Skin

2008-09-01T09:26:00.003-05:00

This finish is great for furniture, accessories and focal walls in a contemporary setting. Flashes of silver reflect from the textured surface reminding the viewer of sand, desert and sun. Perfect for items or walls that need a dose of adventure.

Product needs:
Metallico™ Silver
Frottage peel off™
Adicrackle™
Glacis™ Tinted glazes
Raw umber Color all™ 1:4 tint to glaze
Burnt sienna Color all™ 1:4 tint to glaze
Tools:
Roller, inexpensive 2” paint brush, soft rag or cheese cloth, stainless steel firm trowel, small foam roller.
Steps:
1. Apply a thin coat Metallico™ silver paint in over entire surface. Let dry 2 hours.
2. Roll on a very thin coat Adicrackle™with a foam roller over entire surface, allow to dry 2-4 hours. Adicrackle cracks the frottage very easily and if too thick can cause the frottage to sag and run in places. So the key is a very thin coat of Adicrackle.
3. Trowel on a thin coat of Frottage peel-off™ in large patches. Be careful not to over lap. Go quickly in large swipes. Cracks will begin to appear immediately. Any missed areas can be applied after first application has dried. On small surfaces such as furniture, start along the edges, sweeping toward the center then fill in the centers after the first application has dried.
4. Continue until the area is completely covered. Allow to dry overnight.
5. Mix up a glaze of each color; burnt sienna, yellow ocher and a raw umber. Mix together 1 part tint to 4 parts glacis. Use an inexpensive 2-3 inch bristle brush to apply all three colors of glaze in random patches over the surface. Maintain a wet edge as you move from one area to another.
6. Blend in brush marks with a damp terry rag or cheesecloth over surface to eliminate brush marks and remove excess glaze. Let dry then reapply as needed for desired effect.
7. Apply a clear coat or varnish if extra durability is desired.

Who says it's great to be creative??

2008-08-28T00:55:00.004-05:00

I know I said I was going to publish these other articles but I just have to rant for a minute.
Being creative has it's downside. When people meet me and learn that I paint I get..."oh, I wish I was creative." or " you are so lucky to have such a gift." Now mind you, often people say that without ever seeing my work. How do they know it's lucky? I could just be horrible.

Being creative means to me that my head can't stop thinking of alternatives or options. People in my family tease and say things like, "Kari has ALL the answers." or "she is just a know it all." I am wounded and think I am just the nicest person on earth and they are being mean. (I mean who of us has a reality of how we are) I think how can my dear ones think so awful of me. I was just making suggestions or telling them what I know about a subject so they would know too...OR if they already know that then I am looking for confirmation that what I know is right. How bad is that??

I wish I could take credit for all these ideas. But, alas, I am mere mortal.

I do not know where all this stuff comes from. I feel like I have a news radio frequency in my head with a committee of "know it all's" (complete with video) saying....
" park there, or there's another up ahead or maybe you should turn the corner and see what else there is before making up your mind..." So if my filter is off and my thoughts just pop out of my mouth it makes for great parking lot arguements. They go something like this.
Me:"There's a spot right there."
Hubby: "okay". ( He starts to pull in)
Me: "or there is one up ahead that may be wider."
Hubby: "I thought you wanted to park here."
Me:" well, maybe there's another one over by the (whatever) and that would be closer."
Hubby: shruggs and says not so nicely.... "make up your mind."
Me: Now clueless, to why he is now all in a snit. "Why are you so huffy?"
and on it goes...

I had an aha moment yesterday. He hears "Park there" as if I am telling him what to do. He is a action man. So he just parks. So when I offer options, he is now wondering what I am demanding now...I have to be very clear that it is just a suggestion and not a personal dream that he parks in a particular spot. Why do I care? He's driving.

It dawns on me that being creative is not just limited to what we create it's how our minds work. Idea people are just that. Ideas. not always production people. That would be my hubby. I am not sure how other creatives function with production people but I have to be very careful. I end up coming off as very bossy.

The "you could do this" or "you could do that" that comes out of my mouth makes other people nervous and making people nervous is not a great trait to have.

I have way too many ideas. It's often hard to filter or sort them out. I get really tired trying to work on so many things at once....I have to rethink how suggestions and ideas sound to others.

So just for the record it's not easy being creative.

Convention update

2008-07-31T16:18:00.002-05:00

I have so much to catch up on. This has been a whirl wind year. I have not written in quite a while qnd I hope to do better on that.
Here are a few of the articles I have coming up.

SALI Convention Charelston, SC update
New products from Adicolor, Vele', Luxury, Travertinus
Product knowledge classes in Toronto
Classes for Decorative Arts show Atlantic City Sept 2008
Salon April 2009 Itay
Newsletter and monthly finish recipes from Adicolor by Moi.
Going contemporary

stay tuned!

Waste not, want not

2008-02-07T10:12:00.000-06:00

There is a huge shift in our community thinking that is pulling us to global consciousness. Dr. Oz is talking about Energy Healing. Oprah has recommended us a book about new community thinking and the law of materialization. Even Ty from Trading spaces is getting entire communities to help those less fortunate among themselves. Commercials are showing "pay if forward thinking". Maybe there is hope for humanity after all. If we get rid of all the negative energy by doing our part will we stop murder in the schools? will we prevent abuse? By truly caring for those around us will the world be a better place....you can count on it.

My friends Bob & Lori have started a blog here about their pact to not buy anything new for 1 year. It must be used. It's in an effort to simplify their lives and change the way they consume things.

This is the backbone of what I do. Change, resurface, reuse items that are perfectly fine but maybe just need updating. No that doesn't support the big money makers who perpetuate that bigger is better and newer is most acceptable. But I am doing my part to save the planet and save the trees. i wish I could change the granite industry....But that's another matter.

I am working on kitchen refacing job. We are repainting and changing the cabinets in this Kitchen.

I'll be painting then staining them. It will be a dramatic change and we are recycling those Sturdy Oak cabinets.

faith

2008-01-23T10:13:00.001-06:00

Isn't she beautiful. This is at the vatican. A fellow artist sent her to me.
I use photo's for references for a lot of my work. I recieved this picture from a friend who knew I was doing research on angels. It was about three years ago and used this angel as a reference for a class. I wrote about her in the an earlier blog entry. My students never saw the original photo. Well, this morning an artist, whom i've never met, sent me a picture that she said reminded her of me while she was at the vatican, (Imagine...Some one thinking of you while at the vatican...I'll ponder that more later.) So she sent me this. The picture of the original painting for my class. I didn't know where the painting was from. I just assumed rom Italy but not where. Made my day.
I call her faith. Just look at it. (Click the photo and it gets bigger)
He knows that just this precious gift of hers(Faith, symbolized by a rosary) will be all that he needs to get him through the battle that surrounds him.
How many times do we feel that in everyday life?? It must be incredible to have such a faith that mere beads will erase all our fears and make us strong no matter what we face.
I love this painting...The one on top..
Here is a in progress picture of my angel... I am getting my version framed. I'll post her later.

Beautiful

2008-01-21T09:16:00.000-06:00

The birds are back today. Hungry little dears. It is so cold here I just couldn't bring myself to tiptoe out on the deck barefoot and I am not quite ready to get all ready for my day so i scattered seed all over the deck. Not the diner they are used to but they seem not to care today. I have chickadees, juncos, a nuthatch. All just waiting for a morsel. You see mother earth is sleeping. and she is frozen against the Arctic blast. It was -12 yesterday and in some parts -17. It is beautiful when it is that cold. Quiet. No birds, no clouds, the air sparkles.Today it's warmed only -2. so the birds are back and the clouds are here and it's snowing very lightly.

Saint Theresa's prayer

2007-12-06T22:46:00.000-06:00

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

Sharing dessert; the purpose of art.

2007-12-06T14:05:00.000-06:00

I have been in a funny place and have now come back. Where you ask? Well, in that place of self doubt and aimless wandering. What is our purpose, my purpose exactly?
I don't fed the hungry with my art, I don't preach to the depressed nor do I save the spotted owl with my day to day existence. I am driven to create. Why???
This is what I came up with.

As artists we are given a gift of creativity. The ability to create physical beauty or objects that allow others to see something different than they would have seen with out your art.

To pull people out of the present moment and transcend into some thing or somewhere else. To put pictures to our emotions, and hopefully their emotions.

So with this gift we are given we are obligated, no, demanded to share this gift with others. Kinda like sitting around the table after a great meal and you are the only one that gets dessert. You are obligated to share. You may not want to or feel silly offering because it's your favorite and maybe not theirs but you MUST share.

Keeping that double chocolate volcano cake is just cruel to keep to yourself. Now sometimes my art feels like just plain old sugar cookies not that beautiful heavenly creation of chocolate and creme and sugar with the hint of bitterness that you can taste down to your toes..(girls you know what I am talking about). But what would the world be like if all we had was volcano cake to choose from. ( I know what your are thinking but it may get ordinary after a long while...maybe a very long while but you get my point.)
There is a place in this world for even my sugar cookies.

So if your are burdened with the ability to create... create and share, that is your purpose, that is your destiny to create beauty for those who cannot. It brings the light of God that is in you out so that others may see. Pretty noble and valuable gift huh?

Go forth and create...be good with that.

Making a pounce & pattern

2007-12-02T22:35:00.002-06:00

I needed to make a mirror image of this design I free-handed on the wall. I thought I was so smart just use tracing paper and graphite paper and transfer it. So I did. Nothing---- not one mark. So I tried waxed blue paper for fabric...Nothing. I needed a pounce and a pounce pattern...Need to make one in a hurry...Times a wastin!

So being the creative person that my momma made me...

I cut up scrap t-shirt material, I found in my son's drawer (don't worry the shirt was about three sizes too small) 8x8 about, two layers, hunks of batting (I used gift box padding, the kind that is in jewelry boxes...(I said I was in a hurry) then I poured in some powdered pigment (you could use baby powder for dark walls) into to the t-shirt material then added the batting then pulled up the edges and made a pounce. I used hair binder to tie it off. I happen to have bought a pounce tool (small tool with a tiny wheel with spikes to punch little holes in your paper) last week in Florida. Handy little devices. Pounced my pattern and it worked like a charm. Painted over my lines and a perfect mirror image.

Now to work on the ceiling....and the side walls and the dining room.....Gonna be a busy weekend.

golf courses

2007-12-02T22:01:00.000-06:00

And a Mural of Augusta National for a client. Here's a before shot and now a middle shot and then a tadah!
Here's the here's how...
First I spend a bit of time researching golf courses and explaining the aspects of a good mural to a client. The final shot had to have a focal point. It neded color and something to help with the perspective. Many golf course pictures are just alot of green. We reviewed the local course and they just didn't hold as much interest as this very famous one.

So we looked at a tone of pictures and decided on the 12th hole. I put a couple veiws up on a transparency with a projector so they could see what a final version may look like. The projector is a great tool to get scale and proportion down easily.

I sketch in the main landmarks in this case the sand pits, the bridges and the main trees. I go over the entire sketch with raw umber to makesure I don't loose any important lines during the painting process. I use artist grade acrlyics and a variety of brushes.

I then blocked in the main colors and started giving depth to the background by softly laying in glazes and texture. Colors used are; raw umber, yellow ocher, raw sienna, burnt umber and burnt sienna, ultramarine blue and a bit of cerulean blue in the sky. My lightening agent is titan buff.

Next is adding in the water which is a mixture of raw umber, ultramarine blue and rawumber with varing amount of raw sienna. It needed to reflect the background behind it.

I then add in my shadows and highlights and all of a sudden it pops. I haven't gotten pictures of the finished project yet. The clients love it. Now on to their dining room a three color metallic plaster and a specialty cabinet finish for the built in cabinets.

Stencils are back...

2007-10-24T22:14:00.000-05:00

Big time. Check out these lovely rooms at Stencil Library bolg. Helen rachel and chips are very, very talented...Love this!

Peace....

2007-10-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

Peace is knowing what you have is what you have...and that's enough.
I have been struggling with needing to be more than I am at the moment. But that more is actually more than a year ago. When is that loose term ever achieved? I know I have made it when....My answer used to be "When I sold my first art piece" then after that is when I am a teacher...Then it was when I have a designer...at this rate I will never find peace....Always changing my pot of gold when I have attained it. Where is the peace in that kind of living? I am holding my breath that I may never reach the end. Chasing the rainbow and getting out of breath...(I am over 40!)
Well, I have been reading an awesome book called "Eat, Pray, Love" .
This author is a writer (obviously) and very creative in her writing and hysterically funny. I was belly laughing the first few pages. (I should have said the book is about the author's creative journey and spiritual walk to find peace with herself and God.)
I recommened it highly. I am reading it for a book club I have on Friday eve. I'll let you know what they think. It has settled my spirit. By being settled and finding peace It has inspired me to paint big time and draw and create and make ATC's. I haven't been in bed before midnight since I started this. So if you need a creative Storm...this may do it.

treasure found

2007-10-10T10:25:00.000-05:00

I was just at Kari's blog and saw the beautiful jewelry she found at this etsy shop
too pretty and kept me on Etsy was past creative doing time...But had to share.

reflections of a blogger

2007-10-10T09:59:00.000-05:00

Aren't these the most amazing clouds? Over the football field last week.
It is amazing to me how time has flown by. Just this past February I never even knew blogs existed. Now I am a "blogger" it has given me a voice to open my heart and share the creative wind that has blown into my life with others on a more personal stage. I have blogs that I return to time and time again to be inspired and to listen to their hearts. I find myself shy to share but at the same time want to talk about this creative journey with others on the same path. It's not that I have so much wisdom to bestow on to anyone. It's more that we are all on this journey of creativity together. It isn't always an easy path. For me it was a hard road and is sometimes still a difficult one. But if I can make this path easier for another artist struggling to find their way then it makes all this rambling worth it. I have found others blogging away to be extremely helpful in my travels in this life.It's a cloudy day and I need my tea and a glue gun and I am good to go. A day in the studio with no place to be...God is good. Now if I can only do my part and create...

Stetson Mansion update

2007-10-06T18:21:00.000-05:00

I am back from the mansion. Whew that was messy and hot but very gratifying. The mansion is being restored to benefit Youth art programs. It is a remarkable mansion and the craftmanship is beautiful. I was responsible for three bedrooms on the third floor. 2A was done in soft turquoisy blue Veli & Velluti.

Then the attached bathroom was in Orostone mixed with Desire' tinter #01( my favorite).
The other bedroom were done in mizaar and marmorino collectively. I don't have pictures yet but will when I go back down in November to teach for Paul at Star scenic the Adicolor product class. I had started the process then my new friend, Mary Childs, Focal Points, had to finish them up for me as I was on a plane back to MN.
It is an incredible undertaking.

21 day challenge

2007-09-26T08:52:00.000-05:00

"I am so thoroughly convinced that if we don't set goals in our life and learn how to master the technique of living to reach our goals, we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential. When one learns to master the principle of setting a goal, he will then be able to make a great difference in the results he attains in this life." — M. Russell Ballard

I found this blog by Rhamona by reading Artsy Mama's site. A 21 day challenge to start a new habit or to create ad acheive a goal. I like it. I have done many of these before and they can really change your world...

A few years ago I made a new years resolution to live proactively rather than reactively. Living with purpose and intent vs. living as a reaction to all that happens around me. It has made my world a gentler and happy place. I get sidetracked at times and fall into the rhythm of reacting...It's the easy way but to live proactively means to take stock each morning and live to fulfill goals each day. That takes discipline patience and to love ourselves. Something most of us need help with.

So this 21 day challenge I will challenge to do Yoga everyday...specifically 5 sun sal a's and 5 sun sal b's, and journal creatively for the next 21 days. I was hoping to blog daily but have a trip planned on monday and will be gone for those 5 days.

I am participating in the resortation of the Stetson Mansion. Yes, the Stetson Hat guy. Here is a picture of the House when I saw it last. It is florida and I am off to help complete the interior. We are using only Adicolor products and have collected Artists all over the country.

Back from teaching

2007-09-25T21:53:00.000-05:00

I love to teach to stir up the creative souls who are courageous enough to take a class. I say that because I know taking a class means putting yourself out there. In to a sea of peers where we have our work looked at and compared to. We are fragile and we are trying to be brave. The one thing I try to tell my students is Art is just paint and paper or whatever it is you use to create...It is not you. It does not say if you are honest or loving or faithful or even nice. So if someone doesn't appeciate your art it is not you they are regecting...It took me a long time to get that.
So, I had 19 on Tuesday and 7 on Wednesday. Fun Classes. It was at the Faux Event in PA. I started the week terribly by not having my luggage show up. Bad news since all my supplies were in there. So I had to open the class with "A funny thing happened to me at the airport last eve..." They were nice but loosing their pateience with me by 10:30. I did end up borrowing some supplies and my luggage came at noon and we finished on time. But ohhhh talk about a tense moment or two...hours.

Some artists were born at the Faux Event. You could see their proud faces when as they walked around with their completed sample boards. Friends were made, emails exchanged and yet another successful painting event.

The creative soul

2007-08-29T16:31:00.000-05:00

I am back. I have been away and have been missing this outlet. I am finding the balance again. Ebb and flow...

It seems as the kids beckon my time in the summer my artsy self goes in to hiding. My time is not mine. All spare time is with them. As it should be. But I am feeling fall coming...Football is starting and my studio is lonely. I can feel the hunger for creativity calling me. All practical activities are about to get lost....

I have joined two art exchanges. A portrait exchange and an art book trade. I am so excited. It's a bit like being caught up in a current. I have been stuck in the tide pools and now the tide is rising....I am about to be free again.
Here is my latest art project. A custom fine art piece for a client.
Acrylics, and now I am doing some murals for my designer.

This is where my heart is...Creating. My best advice for artists is to hang out with creative people. and if you can't find them in your town, find them in the world...We're out here. Looking for you.

Another angel I am working on

2007-06-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

This is the angel I am working for a class I am teaching at SALI in San Francisco. I have been working on her dress. Then I will add some dimension to the slip. I started with the under painting of raw sienna and white. Then added deeper tones to get the folds to appear 3D.

I am now going to begin the wings. Then on her face...
She is so different then the ones I painted for my client. She wanted her angels to be childlike, not majestic. So I am off to California for a painting retreat.... # full days of just painting....Oh and a girlie day in there too.
I am starting my ripple along blanket over while I am on the plane because it started becoming a circle

and that was not right, not right at all.
This is what it is suppose to look like....
I just love it...Not mine but the one in the other picture....Looks just happy.

2007-06-01T12:14:00.000-05:00

My first collage in years....I am joyful and full.
So much to share...I have been recharged. Kind like after you shut down the computer and then re start it the next day it's like whoa light speed...too much creativity and I am loving it. I made this for a dear friend, Sheri. I am going to see her next week at the Big Oaks studio...Our own private Artfest so to speak.
I made these tags and LOVE how they turned out. Regular tags then teastained a coffee stained them. Stamped...
I have started attacking my day planner... "Art just for me to enjoy!"...What a concept? I doctored the front page. Then started with the cardstock dividers. I was regarding my planner suspiciously...It represented work..that burden of stuff to do...Chores. Now with it's reminders of why I do what I do and the happy images I have a different energy...Good energy.
Here's the firt page as I started.

pretty little houses....

2007-05-29T14:48:00.000-05:00

I think this is what started it. The my girlfriend found some of these beautiful antique candy boxes. The company stopped making them after about four or five were made in a series. I just sat fascinated with this vinette. The detail and the sparkles...Now This is what I call a christmas village!!!

This is the replica she made of her house. Garage doors and everything. I love the sparkles and the details...

This is the whole village on her coffee table.

I think I would have to start today to make this for my house. Hers is even to scale...

Mama has her groove back...

2007-05-25T01:05:00.000-05:00

A couple of idea books, a call from a friend, three antique shops later I am back on my creative jive!!! feels so good. Here's what I did after dinner with the family. They are now on my Etsy shop here
So much fun. I will be doing more..I'll keep you posted.

A funk

2007-05-23T23:20:00.000-05:00

Yep that has to be it. A creative death of sorts..Blog burnout...Creative block...I have been waiting for the rebirth..Like spring it has to come after the winter. The shutting down, the sleep, the re-energizing...I am waiting for the ca coon to break apart and set me free. To what I do not know. I have heard other artists talk about this block as something that changes their art and their souls forever. I have longed for it. That can only explain why I shut down...Two months to be exact. The actual shut down started earlier about three years ago but the complete closure has been two full months. I can feel the chill creativity edging in at the windowsill of my soul. But if you look right at it you can't see a thing. I can smell it in the wind. Coming closer. I can taste it but do not know how to make it come any faster.
I hopped out to the garden...but no inspiration there...a lot of weeding to be done and the past two years of neglect staring at me. I started making small changes...A few day lilies here and there...I found a Robin's nest in my trumpet vine. I'll take a picture for you tomorrow. The babies are everywhere. I stirred up a couple baby bunnies yesterday while raking up my weeds....They were so cute. I can't help but worry about them.
I love the swaps and creations that are on these various blogs...I have not checked in on them in months. The smell is stronger when I click on their sites. Need to find my muse....I hate when that happens...
but I know it always comes back.

Here are the close ups

2007-03-28T18:58:00.000-05:00

Angels are done...

2007-03-28T18:42:00.000-05:00

Here they are...Five holy angels plus the holy spirit dove.
My client was quite pleased with the result and so was I.
What do you think?

Being pushed....Good or bad???

2007-03-26T20:40:00.000-05:00

I have started the mural of the angels in this small dome. I loved the idea of it. I loved my preliminary drawings. They were hard but I had total confidence I could render pretty angels for the client.

Well, I am on day three of painting on the ceiling with my head thrown back at that awful angle. The Angels are coming slowly. The trick here is my client wants them painted exactly like the pictures. Now, that is the hard part. At first I complained to myself...Too hard, too bad, you get what you get kinda stuff in my head...then I realized that I have to make sure this is exactly what she wants. This is what I have been asked to do, paid to do. PLUS...it pushes my skill and my talents and forces me to really look. (I have had to wear reading glasses in the dome while painting). But like anything that is difficult, it is painful for me. I hate the slowness and the awkwardness of doing something that is not easy. If this was a piece at home I would have decided somewhere yesterday "It's good enough" but because this is for a client who has been saving angel pictures for years. She wants it just like she wants it. These are just a few of the pictures she has shown me.

Character building...a study on being patient with ones own abilities and still pushing for more. The first day I found myself getting a bit defensive...Then that voice in my head said "why?...It's just paint!" So big deep breath and listen hard and try to force my hand to do what she is asking..."Green clouds, deeper skies, big limped eyes, hair just so...." Here is the sky she wants in her dome.

I explained it to my son my day was like this...."You work all summer to throw a baseball 75 mi/hr. You practice all summer. Hard, sweat, frustration but you reach your goal. You do it, you have confidence with it and you can now throw reasonably consistent at 75 mi/hr. You are happy and proud. Then you make the team and the coach says..."Good but now, I want 80 mi/hr". Disappointment, hurt feelings but then you pull up your boot straps...(socks) a big deep breath and you start...And then you bust yourself to get there, thinking that is the most you can do. Tired, exhausted and you think you have no more in you.
Then they say "now, we want 85...."

So tonight, as I type this with a hot pack on my neck thinking about the last three angels I have yet to paint, I am thinking I am so glad she has pushed because I am painting far better than I thought I would be. My own 85 mi/hr.

I will only get better if I keep trying harder...And hopefully make a few people happy along the way.

I'll post my angels tomorrow after I get some pictures.

Journals...

2007-03-19T23:22:00.000-05:00

I have journaled my whole life. I have snippets of them all over the house. i started in third grade when I was given a diary for my birthday. It was blue. I filled it up. Then I wrote constantly through high school then missed about 10 years..(small children,working nights weekends...) with small short entries in various books throughout my house. Then I started again...about four or five years ago. They are all the same. Just linear notes on white pages...
Now in this age of blogs I am finding journals like this...

and this...

from the red door

They talk about Artfest and stuff like that...
Time to get out...find more color...my world has become grey.
Safe, predictable, creative block...procrastination. Anxiety...will it be right, will it be good, will it be PERFECT....?
Then I just do the safe thing...Or is it? What does it take to let loose the creative soul? Does the desire make one an artist? Does it take a couple of cosmo's to break the shell that has built up around the child artist in me?
Glue, crayons and scissors....paint, just the doing...? HMMMMMMmmmm? Or should it be OOOMmmmmmmm?
Off to go journal......with color....I think. No, I will. (wings are a little stiff from being caged so long.. Maybe I'll just flutter around here in the cage with the door open before I venture out...

Now check this out...

2007-03-15T02:44:00.000-05:00

These are all from Patricia Guild's web site....Designers Guild

And who said stenciling couldn't go con temporary.

great design book

2007-03-14T09:02:00.000-05:00

I found this great book. Beautiful stenciled patterens and rich gorgeous colors. Great inspiration.Tricia Guild Pattern: Using Pattern to Create Sophisticated, Show-stopping Interiors (Hardcover)

Had to share

2007-03-08T10:32:00.000-06:00

I just saw a beautiful Granny squares blanket under construction at Posey gets cozy blog. and I wanted to share this with you, my Great Grandmother's version. She had a love for deep rich colors.

I love how she used brown to set off the other colors. It really glows 75+ years after its construction. I hope the things I make last this long...

She used alot of pink. It's a wonder because she had boys...and from what i hear she was very proper and proud. But I can tell she had a great sense of color and passion.
Hat's off to you Great grandma Bonne!

Waiting up for teenagers is very hard work.

2007-03-08T10:16:00.000-06:00

So much time is spent waiting for my little darling to come home that I have started retreating to my studio to wait. Usually it is at the end of the day and being old now, I am exhausted by 10 pm so I can't get anything productive done.
It has been a great excuse to play in my studio. No not on anything important like a client's mural but on silly crafting things I have wanted to try. I have started an altered book. I have just learned about this art form from another blog(can't remember which one) but it just fascinated me and they were so beautiful. So I have just jumped. So far it just doesn't look right. But it hardly matters because it is just for me and sometimes you to see.
This is my first two pages. It's a book about Chakras. I am just learning about them. Very Fascinating.

40 day journey

2007-03-05T22:00:00.000-06:00

I have been tagged....What are your reading now...
I have been taking a yoga Challenge. This is the book that we are following. Just awesome.
The forty days consist of daily yoga, mediation, journaling and diet challenges. I am on the last 10 days. It has given me a clear perspective on purpose and really jump started my creativity.
I truly recommend it for those of you that need a tune-up on life. You know who you are.

ATC's

2007-03-04T19:50:00.000-06:00

These are the Atc's I made for an exchange I just finished.
All watercolor originals...
I was in a creative slump. Then for the new year I decided to turn that around...Now I have too many ideas. One thing has lead to another and then another. LOVE IT...
I am off to Orlando to teach this weekend. I am teaching a color theory class on Saturday to a SALI chapter. Then a marmorino class on mon and tuesday then I teach a metallic plaster class on wed-friday. Not much time for the sun. But I love teaching.

Here's another exerpt from my online class..

Session 4: Mechanics of drawing:
Learning to draw is like learning to play the piano….You must do it to become proficient. Follow this scenario.

Belief: I can’t play the piano….
Did I ever try? Yes
Did I practice? Occasionally
Did I take lessons? A few
Is it any wonder that I can’t play the piano?
So if I really wanted to play the piano what would you tell me to do?
Read?
Listen?
Play?
Or Take classes?

All of the above…the more you do the more proficient you become.
Now think back to day one, turn to those pages. What did you write about your definition of talent? Where does that come into play?
Here is what I have learned. Talent means nothing without ambition. Talent can only take you so far. Those with ambition will soon surpass your “talent” if you do not endeavor to improve it. I have seen many talented artists fail miserably professionally because they lack the discipline to develop it.
I have seen many artists with minimal talent succeed beautifully because they did not let themselves fail. Which one are you?

What does this have to do with the mechanics of drawing? It serves as a gauge to determine how willing you are to struggle with new concepts and new hand motions as you set out to learn new things. You will feel awkward and clumsy at first. You will feel defeated and sad. As you confront those feelings and keep drawing and you will improve. You will succeed as you draw. Being aware of how you feel will help you defeat those drawing demons and keep you drawing….One day at a time.

So give yourself a break and be a beginner…Draw everything you see. Be proud of yourself for just doing it, not just of the results. Do not let anyone see your sketchbook. This is a private beginning. Their comments however well intended may cause you to stumble…Just leave them out of it for now.

What to do with a snow day??

2007-03-02T13:06:00.000-06:00

We have a snow day. 20 inches fell last night and school was cancelled for today.

It's difficult to get any real work done with the entire family home so I could finish a project. Yes, that's what I will do... I could finish this?....A knitted coat I started two years ago. It's a lot of knitting.
Or I could finish this bathroom. I have great plans of distressed fresco's on this Stone finish I did over Christmas.....I have a loose design in my head...

Or I could Finish the kids bathroom that I repainted and started stenciling over January. But I am kinda stuck. I did buy fabric for curtains. I am not sure if that is what I want.
Too many options. Actually I think I'll go make cookies for my kids....at 14 almost 15 and 16 almost 17 I don't have too many snow days with them. I am already starting to miss them. They'll be gone way to soon for me.

creative demons

2007-02-26T15:09:00.000-06:00

The following is a segment of a seminar I am teaching on drawing. I thought you might enjoy it.

When I first started teaching art classes I thought I was just going to take the students through the steps of learning how to draw. But there are other issues that block our abilities that must be addressed before we can proceed. I see these emotional blocks in every one of my classes and in most of my interns. It takes on a personality and can stop a person cold....

Learning to draw is an easy skill to teach. Students do not need to have any special skills to be able to succeed. As in music, one should be able to read music or have a special ear to hear subtle tones to accomplish any form of success. Drawing is putting pencil to paper. End of it.

As soon as a child can hold a pencil they begin to draw. They draw before they can write. They can color and put their imagination to paper (or walls) often before they can talk. We proudly put those drawing on the fridge and jump for joy as they show them. When did we loose this ability? I don’t think we ever do. What happens is we let our hearts and our minds get in the way. As get older we become aware of what others can do so we judge our work against theirs. Somewhere in school (usually middle school) we are told by someone we respect or by ourselves that we can’t draw. Our awkward years give us doubt and we judge ourselves so harshly that many of our skills that we had in elementary school become non existent in middle school just by our belief systems. We continue to judge our work and then start to believe our judgments… I have met many people who say things like… “I can’t draw”, “I don’t have any talent”, “Not my gift”. But yet want to learn. First challenge is to identify those negative messages, define where they come from and to hold them where they can be seen. It’s not so scary then.

I had joint problems as a teenager and was told that I would never be an athlete. Being from an athletic family I retreated to art classes and patiently worked hard and poured my self and my disappointment into it. I learned to draw. But I can’t shoot a basket…I never learned and therefore shy away from that display of my inept abilities. (Family reunions, picnics, etc. --If I do so dare, I must endure the teasing as I try. It's all in good fun now...)

I see this in my kids and their friends today. If you are good at one thing then by default you must not be very good at another. Artist or athlete, Math or English, Drama or music… The list and comparisons go on. Think back to your stories of your childhood. What are your blocks or obstacles to being creative? Do you have any?
What are your creative demons?

Yoga & creative blocks...

2007-02-22T22:45:00.000-06:00

Breathe in, breathe out...a little more stretch, breathe in, breathe out...
This has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I was really starting to feel the effects of these ladders. This is me marbling two 14 ft columns. Great fun but really needed a massage after this one.

When I started Yoga was about the exercise. About vanity and all that. But now it has become about what God has to say to me. The deep relaxation has given me new outlooks. My creativity is exploding...My thirst for color has grown and I blame it all on yoga.

It is a discipline, it is a spiritual experience. Other wonderful benefits are improved upper body strength and no more neck pain. No really...that pain that starts in the shoulder then creeps up your neck and almost paralyzes you after a big job..It's GONE! I was worried that after a few more years of going up and down ladders I was going to have to find something else but I think this has bought me more time. I feel great.

Try it...for at least a month and you will be amazed....Anyone can do it...
But beware of it's aftershocks in your life. My studio now is exploding with new projects, the house has seedlings of new creations in every room. I am trying new recipes on my family and even my clothing choices are changing....Maybe it's that spring is in the air...
I saw a chicadee checking out the old birdhouse under the deck....
I guess it's time to take down the wreaths from the outside garage lights!

White roses

2007-02-15T22:43:00.000-06:00

I love white roses...Always have. My mother once said that that was surprising because my being an artist and all. I had to really think hard about what it was about white roses that appeal to me. She thought a red or exotic bicolor would be my favorite.

I think it is about possibilities...A white rose isn't limited to any color or given any direction. It can go any where or be anything. It goes in any room. It reflects what ever colors are around it. It holds a very pure beauty. You have to really look to see it's beauty in the subtle shaping of it's petals. The shadows within the petals can be pink, blue, green....the delicacy...so here it is for you. To think about and to enjoy...Happy Valentines day...a day late.

Creativity....in any form

2007-02-13T12:55:00.000-06:00

Well, it's done. My little ruffle surprise became a purse. I just kept knitting until it was long enough to fold in thirds. I whip stitched the sides together and created a braided strap. I found a huge button at JoAnnes. Cute huh...
Creativity does that to me. No matter what I create it gets my mind spinning. My work takes on a whole new energy. I am a painter. But because my paitning is my work I must play at other creative things to keep my work creative...? Make any sense? I am on cold medicine and this my not make any sense...But I wanted to share.

FoR those that knit...Pattern follows.
(size 8 needles, med yard. I used Red heart medium used most of the skien)

Cast on 66 knit each row until you have 4 ridges. Knit two together for whole row to make ruffle. Now have 33 on needle.
Now knit all rows until it will fold nicely into thirds for a purse.
Whip stich sides. Add button, add strap.
done.

Angels....

2007-02-09T14:43:00.000-06:00

I received a commission today to paint 5 -18" in angels in a dome above the dining room kitchen.
I am excited to do this for the client. She had been collecting slips of paper of angels for 2 years. She finally decided I was the right artist for the job. I am so flattered.
Here is a picture of one of her angels...

This commission comes just in time I teach angel painting at a the SALI convention this summer. Hmmmm here is the before picture of her dome and her pictures.

I will now do some color studies and sketches to incorporate all the elements she reqires. Client says..."One angel with a harp, not any harp but this harp. One angel reading a big book like this one but not with her hair and I like this angel but not her dress use this dress..." and on it went. So I gathered up the 15 slips of paper with her notes and will begin to build her angels...I'll keep you posted.

Embracing the light.

2007-02-08T13:33:00.000-06:00

This is my mural at the yoga studio...Vision came during practice....My desire fulfilled. To be an artist.
God gives us desire to do something and we will only be happy and fulfilled when we follow those dreams. He doesn't give us dreams so we can fail. He gives us dreams to challenge us and to bring out the best of our character. The work that it takes and sacrifices we make to achieve those dreams are what build us and make us who we are.
I mentor many artists. And the fear and the doubt is always the biggest obstacle to hurdle. Of course in comes in the form of excuses. "i can't draw" or "I don't have the right tools" or "Not enough time ...money...creaivity..." Becoming who God wants us to be takes courage and faith. You want to be an artist. DRAW....that's it. Everyday that you practice you are one step closer to your goal. You will get better. Same with all aspects of your dream. Break it into steps and forge ahead....No time? get up earlier or go to bed later. No money...read...from the library, study become self taught....Learn, organize and just do it.
You will never become it unless you do it.

I know it is easier said than done. Breaking habits and excuses take hard work. But everytime you try...you get closer. Try harder and you move faster...It's all up to you. (My aha moment from Yoga this am. I like it!)

Inspiration for my home

2007-02-07T08:16:00.000-06:00

Isn't this beautiful? I love the color combinations. My home has wated to dress like this since we moved in. This is from Brocade This site is full of beatiful images and inspiration for the decorative painter. Violet, olive an gold....I am so there! I may have to attack my living room! Where are all those stencils again? Ohh this is gonna be good! Stay tuned...

time flies

2007-02-06T09:14:00.000-06:00

Another snowy day and I am still in my robe. I need to get to the studio while my head is swimming with ideas. But I find myself wanting to just be still and spend the day remembering the craziness of small feet, sippy cups and the frantic search for the nite-nite. As the house is so quiet these days. My teenagers are gone most of the time and I have much time to myself. The snowflakes are bigger now. 10 years ago I would have been bundling them up and searching for mittens and hats and getting hot trying to get out the door so we could make forts and snowangels until we got cold and made hot chocolate. What a gift my children have given me. Joy pure joy. Now we shop and have adult conversations. I try to find new things to create together and now she can find her own mittens and drive herself to dance....Time does fly. I had no idea then just how fast.

happy accident

2007-02-04T22:22:00.000-06:00

Some times not having a plan brings forth the best lessons. I wante to knit something today while watching the superbowl. I am new to knitting so only the simpliest designs I can complete. So I started this panel....I just cast on stiches until it looked about the width for a purse. That was all the plan I had. I knitted rows until it was about an inch or so. Now, it lookeds way too wide. So I decided to knit two together across the whole row...I made a ruffle! Surprise me! It is so cute. I can't wait to get this little purse made. May be in two years but today I had a Happy accident...It's what art is all about. You have my permission to proceed without a plan. You never know what may happen...

go forth and create

2007-02-04T14:17:00.000-06:00

Yes. We do it out of Love. The love that comes from the depths that speaks without the need for reason. It is pure and directs the drive and act of making art.
~Linda Saccoccio

Find your depth, allow the love to flow from your heart and create. Show those around you the wonders that fill your head with awe. Share the vision God has given you. It comes through you, not from you. You are just the interpreter of God's beauty.
I constantly struggle with allowing my art to just become what it wants. The arresting thoughts of making my art become what it should look like halts and threatens the survival of my creativity.

Putting a fence around a garden. I urge you to take down your fences and let your garden grow on to the path and over take the well manicured lawn. Ahhh.... what an adventure that will be. Do not be afraid, you are still you and that will never change.

sharing my work...

2007-02-04T02:21:00.000-06:00

here is what I am working on now.

I could post every five minutes. I could I have so much to share and to explore. I am addicted. I can see why the kids get hooked. I had no idea. But if you have read my first couple of entries you can see that I am amazed. I want to find these amazing women and go have lunch...with cocktails. I want to join this club or sorority of creative women. I have found them just in time. So I will share. My photography isn't so hot but I will endeavor to do better. Here is one of my fine art pieces. Mixed media on canvas about two feet by three feet, maybe. I want to add a series. I will post when they are done. I love working with metallic plasters and gilding...

This is a close up.

Here is the one I am still working on. This one is 4 feet by 5 feet or so. On stretched canvas. Goes in my dining room. I like them both so much I used them in my new web design.
www.karibethcreations.com

past life

2007-02-04T02:16:00.001-06:00

I think this is me in another life. I am so drawn to it. It feels familar. Do you ever feel like that? As if this life is a journey to find something only to realize it's not in this life that I lost it. Maybe it's inherited memories or maybe it's reading to many historical novels. But my eyes stop and yearn when I see a piece of ancient jewelry. Old victorian homes from the 1890's make me drool. Feathers and gilding, the golden age....Must be a past life...

When a door opens....Prepare to be amazed

2007-02-04T01:54:00.000-06:00

Artist's cards....I am amazed and inspired by these little bits of creativity. I want to trade them now. Every minute of everyday...I want everyone to know about these and everyone to make them. They are keys to a world I didn't know existed and and I am so excited to have found it. I have been reading blogs like a starved woman. I though only teenagers did this....Where have I been? I thought I was of the world, in the world only to find out I have been sheltered, closeted in some land where we didn't know what we didn't know. I haven't been out of PJ's for days...(actually living in Yoga clothes but it feels like PJ's)
My dear 16 year old says why mom...who are you going to write to? I don't know the answer but as I try desperately to be a hip mom and to hold back the train of time, I know I don't want to be left behind. I then look at what is really at my fingertips (literally) and I am amazed. I may be talking about this for days as I come to terms with my unknown isolation and sheltering.

Beautiful bolgs and pictures. I am amazed at the pictures being posted. Did everyone become a professional photogragher while I was in line at the grocery store? Amazing. I have found the Etsy shop and again am just so excited about the cool things that are being sold at this wonderful art store online. Still speechless...Revamped my whole website to accomidate my need to share all these great things I have found. I don't think I have spent this much time in front of a computer since well three months ago when I had to reconstruct 8 months of retail sales when out computer crashed for the second time.

My fingers are itching to start sewing again, and beading, and painting but my right suide won't let me go there. I just have to keep looking and reading...Just amazing. Still amazed...may take me hours to get my speech back.

Land of OZ

2007-02-03T20:24:00.000-06:00

I am just amazed at this world that I have found. Here I thought I was in the world only to find I haven't even begun to explore. I am Dorothy. Wonders around every corner. I have found women who share my love of art and handmade creations. I have found happy people who love their families and their friends.I can get so closed up in my world that I forget I am not as unique as I thought. There are others that love what we love and cherish the same values. That is comforting. Takes me from a lonely cold place to one of sunshine and warmth.Thank you Melanie by opening this world to me. From your first blog I have found art, and beauty and ATC's and books of inspiration to yoga and new foods and sights and sounds I have been hungering for. You left a little gold string at my feet. (In this case in my email) and some may have not noticed that it was a not just a string or a loose thread but a trail to wonderous sights. You have my eternal thanks because now my world is changed forever.

I hope this blog does that for others. I want to take that thread and lay it the feet of unsuspecting creatives and open their world as you have opened mine.This is my first ATC. I have since made 13 of them. I am a new woman.